So, it’s #nationalcomingoutday, huh?
I shared this story publicly about three and a half years ago for the first time but it’s a story that not many people know. It’s something that I’ve only shared with a very small handful of close friends before. And I’m sharing it again now because the time has come – for all of us – to fully RISE into the truth of our heart and soul.
And I didn’t really get that for a very long time. Sure, I understood it intellectually when one of my closest mentors said “maybe you are here to be the catalyst.” But it took almost 2 years for me to really KNOW it.
Like Marianne Williamson wrote “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
We are being called to rise together; to come together as One Race – The Human Race – and heal the planet.
And it starts with me (and YOU).
So, here’s my story today:
For most of my life I felt oddly misplaced. . . because I felt like a man in a woman’s body. And when I was a kid, I was called a tomboy, a dyke and whole handful of other mostly derogatory terms like that. Not that tomboy is derogatory – I rather like being called a tomboy – but many other things I was called were mean spirited. For years, they bothered me. But I never understood WHY they bothered me. . . until I came to grips with my own sexuality.
But let’s back up a bit before we talk about that part. . .
This whole “man in a woman’s body” thing is where it starts. I remember a conversation I had with my mom once when I was about 11, maybe 12 and I told her (I don’t think it was the first time I ever said it to her) that I wished I were boy. That I FELT like a boy inside. And I wasn’t sure whether I liked boys or girls. And I think that’s the first time I ever felt. . . different. . . than everyone else. It was hard conversation because I grew up in a fairly conservative christian family that went to church every Sunday and believed wholeheartedly in the teachings of the Bible.
See, I was always good at all the things the boys were good at – baseball, dodgeball, kickball, running, riding bikes, playing in the dirt with Hot Wheels. I’d rather work on my bike or on cars with my dad than put on makeup and gossip about boys. And what’s’ more, I actually LIKED doing those things. I preferred that over things like playing with Barbie’s and dolls and whatever else girls do. I honestly couldn’t tell you. LOL I liked wearing my baseball hat and t-shirts and jeans. Dresses and frilly “blouses” didn’t do it for me. And FORGET high heels or anything of the sort! Give me tennis shoes or boots any day! The only thing I never could decide was whether I wanted long hair or short hair because I liked both!
So, back to WHY those terms bothered me. . .
As I grew up, I came to know the truth about myself. And those terms bothered me because, in some ways, they were true. I do like boys. AND. . . I do like girls. It caused A LOT of pain and struggle based on the religious principles I’d grown up with. So, I did what so many other people do – I stuffed it down. Ignored those parts of myself. Became what everyone expected me to be.
In the past several years as I’ve committed deeply to BEING fully ME, I’ve brought those hidden parts more and more to the surface. I’ve come to love and accept myself for who I am – a woman who likes both men and women.
And it’s totally ok to BE ME. ❤️
Listen – we can’t RISE together if we don’t love and accept ourselves.
We can’t RISE together if we don’t love and accept each other.
It starts with YOU.
So start TODAY.
Because love and only love will heal the entire planet.
And LOVE is the LIGHT that will lead to PEACE.