2020 has been interesting so far and while I have a million (million!) things to do today and over the next few days, I felt called to write. . .
The first thing on my mind is that yesterday marked 32 years since the first of three surgeries to fix the elbow I shattered in a bike accident 5 months before. The surgery came a mere 7 days before my 15th birthday.
My orthopedic surgeon told my mom that if I didn’t have the surgery, I would most likely lose all functionality in my arm by time I graduated high school. He also told her even with the surgery, I could lose some or all functionality in 20 years.
Well, it’s been 32 and although some days are rougher than others and I often take Tylenol and CBD daily, I still have about 85% mobility and functionality in my arm, elbow, and hand.
For that, I am immensely grateful.
And just like happened then with things ultimately turning out ok, I know that what’s happening in my world right now, will ultimately be ok.
But I’m not gonna sugar-coat it. Or bypass it. Or make an all out effort to be positive right now.
Because the truth is, I’m done being the strong one. I’m done doing AALLLLLL the things to keep everything and everyone above water.
I can’t deal with house/moving stuff and attorney stuff and kid/school stuff and work stuff and household stuff and help everyone else too.
And yeah, I know parts of this are very vague but the details don’t matter. What matters is this. . .
I’m dropping all of it. Every last bit.
And I’ll pick the parts up that are truly mine and that I can – and want – to handle. Eventually.
Let the rest of it fall it may.
Right now, I’m just being with what is and if it all falls completely apart, well, then. . . it does.
It’s time to regroup and make a new way forward. I have no damn idea what that means or what it looks like or where it’s going.
All I know is that today, this is where I’m at.
And if you have any support to offer, I will gratefully receive it.
Before I get to work on the tasks I have to do today, I still have space for coaching and web design services that I posted about a few days ago.
PM for details or with any questions on those.